Quote: Has he ever made efforts to meet your needs?
What happened with that?
Sex usually happens. Maybe not at that instant... like, if we've spent time together, talking during the day, that night we'll have great sex. But that's what happens when we're connecting. Not as a reward, but because... that's what happens.
Or I'll say thank you. Or give him a hug and an azz squeeze. I try to say thank you for your efforts in a way that is meaningful to him. That's usually in a physical form.
I wrote him a letter and left it in his car so he'll see it before he gets home. I'm sure we'll talk about it tonight, and I appreciate all the good points you've made here. I'll keep them in mind.
One of the things he has a real hard time getting his arms around is doing things for the good of the relationship instead of doing them for sex. He's still very much into bartar and trade. If he washes my car, he'd like to get sex as a way of thank you.
Quote: One thing that my H has said to me repeatedly is "Help me be successful."
There is a fine line between 'help me be successful' and 'do it for me.' From all the work you've done, you understand you can only help so much. Effort on their part is required at some point.
Yes, I've explained what 'in a way that is meaningful to me' means. I'll be happy to explain it again. I will support him. I will encourage him. I will no longer attempt to do it for him. My 'doing it for him' assists him in failing. I will step in, like I am doing now, in hopes of getting us back on track before we hit the wall... but then I will step back and let him flail around a bit until he finds his footing. I'm not going to let him go under, but at some point, he's gotta get a grip and start swimming.
It's hard to watch him struggle. But I love him too much to see him fail, and struggling is a part of succeeding.
