I know you have gone over with him, time and again, but I still have a feeling that he has no clue what he is supposed to do. Sortof like when I would tell my H that I needed him to be more "passionate"..I could give him 30 examples of what I was talking about..small things that virtually anyone could pull off, and he'd go all deer in the headlights and profess that he just couldn't do that.
I think that your husband is insisting on seeing this type of behavior as something that he is doing to get sex. Kudos to him for finding this idea repugnant. He should. None of us should have to jump through hoops to ML to our spouses.
However, if he could shift his thinking a little to seeing that this is behavior he should be doing simply because he's your husband, he might be more successful. If he were unfortunately castrated tomorrow, he would still be obligated to meet your needs, right?
Finally, I don't understand what "in a way that is meaningful to me" means. I don't need to understand..so I'm not asking for an explanation...but I'm pointing out that this is a VERY vague phrase. Have you thought about specific scenarios that would please you? Have you communicated this to your H? (I know you have!:) And, finally, what do you do to set the scene for these situations to take place?
One thing that my H has said to me repeatedly is "Help me be successful."
I think you were on to something with the affair with his job stuff. It seems that he has NO time for anything except work, p/u boys, collapse into bed and then desperately call for his wife for his needs to be met. Where does Corri fit into this picture?
Perhaps you can tell him, when he brings this up and we all know he will, that you are interested in hearing what kinds of concrete changes he is going to make in his daily routine in order to begin meeting your needs.
And based on how that goes, I may grow some ovaries and do the same with my H. LOL
