NOP:

I don't doubt that you have hit on something with the girlfriend. And she isn't in our lives... this was one of those instances where we happened to both be in the same place at the same time, kind of things.

Now that I am aware of how her presence may be affecting him, it will be corrected. She is uncomfortable around him, doesn't want to be around him... she knows more about the ups and downs of my marriage than probably anyone on the planet. Having said all that, however, I'd never be so naive as to discount what I ** don't know.**

There are things I know my H is not honest with me about... such as his deepest thoughts (ie., about the girlfriend. The only reason he told me about his continued contact with her is because when she and her ex-H confronted him, she told him that if he didn't tell me all about it, she would.)

I can tell when he's with me during LM, and when he is somewhere else. When he continues to do things after I've asked him to stop, when he shoots off in my mouth not five minutes after we've discussed it... my H is not with me.

This recent bout of treatment disturbs me far more than it does you. I'm still sorting through what I think and feel about this, especially in view of our discussion last night.

I appreciate you outlining these issues... now I don't have to But... there is a much more troubling feeling inside me that I have yet to identify.... and I am waiting for it to surface before I do anything.

I am so beyond anger. I'm not even close to it, and that really scares me. I don't know what this is. I'm not interested in a power play, I'm not intersted in control with him, I'm not interested in withholding, getting back, getting even, getting up, getting down... getting any way you want.

I'm not too tired, I'm not exhausted, I'm not defeated. I still love him. I'm just not interested.

He's 56 years old, way beyond this crap, IMHO. I'll give him a version of this list, with a nice little letter, and then he can decide what he wants/needs to do. I'm done taking the lead. I'm done running relationship rescue. If he wants to ask me for help, fine, I'll do what I can. I always do.

Will he step up to the plate? Beats the shiit outta me. I rather doubt it, but he could surprise me, you never know. I guess in thinking about last night, I thought we were so much further along than the tact he took. I wasn't interested in blame, I wasn't interested in making him a bad guy. I just wanted to find a solution. And all he can say is the relationship sucks.

Is this him being a guy and saying stupid guy stuff? Don't know, don't care. I've got kids to raise and other things I can do to keep myself busy. I'm not doing this anymore. I respect myself too much to yet again try and find the magic formula while he 'gives me room' to figure it out.

I will tell him exactly this so he is crystal clear on where I stand. So he knows. Otherwise, I'm just not interested.

Corri