Corri: It sounds like your man is going through a bit of an identity crisis.
I agree with all the others who have written that it is a very disrespectful thing that he did. I think that all men should be extremely mindful of hearing their partner say "no" but ESPECIALLY your H, given your history. I'm sorry that he did that.
It also sounds like the job is giving him a sense of entitlement and he is getting caught up in what he deserves. Now before we all castrate him for this, let me say that I am (was???? cripes, I hope I'm getting over this ugly habit) prone to this. I think, Man I am a good lookin woman..how DARE he not want to have sex with me! Does he KNOW how many other men would give their eye teeth...blah blah ad NAUSEUM. (emphasis on the nausea part)
Perhaps he is becoming caught up in his increased power and prestige at his job and getting a bit of a tude about coming home to a wife who may or may not go along with his desires. Quite a bit different than being at work where he has some power, huh.
Add in the Henrietta and ex-swinger-friend elements and you are talking one confused man.
I hope you get a chance to talk to him soon. Obviously he is acting out, trying to get your attention. His methods are a bit assholish, so I hope you can both work through this and get to a better place, quick.
HP, the witch with bling. (I received my pointy witch shoes with rhinestones and they are fab-yoo-lous )