In order to better see the situation, you have to first forget your guilt over your emotional affair, that is assuming that it is completey dead and over, and a substantial block of time has passed.
You can't allow your guilt over past issues to cloud your judgment.
The worst thing that can happen to a spouse that has had an emotional and physical connection with with an outside party, is renewed contact IN ANY FORM.
That contact alone will (and has) altered established boundaries in your relationship. In this case, in a substantial way.
If he was not already in contact with your girlfriend, he is likely to attempt renewed contact.
Loose your 'friend' now, and do so permanently. Make sure that you and your husband never see her or talk to her again. Your husband can not handle contact with her.
In the mean time, and just for a while until YOU feel assured that things are back to normal, snoop. Keep quiet about your suspicions, but definitely snoop.
Some people feel like snooping is an invasion of privacy, but a good relationship requires no secrets. MrsNOP has access to all my email, my desk, my wallet, my phone, whatever. Same for me. It isn't something that we planned, it is just that way because we have nothing to hide.
With the information you have provided, I am certain that a third party is in the equation, maybe just in his head, but there.
The real danger is in what will happen now.
I think that you two should have a very serious talk about the inherent dangers facing your relationship. You both MUST recognize that you simply can't be around this person or have any contact with them again. If she walks into a room, you leave. The same holds true of your emotional affair.
If I haven't been strong and clear enough, let me reiterate; LOSE THE GIRLFRIEND FOREVER!
I can expound on any point if needed.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
