I don't want to freak you out but I pretty much agree with NOPkins. I don't know whether he is necessarily having an emotional affair, but he is pretty obviously "testing" you and your relationship. It's like he's trying to prove that he's right when he say "our sex life will never be good" in an unfair way. At least this is my impression when I try to put myself in his shoes and ask myself why I would do something like that.

OTOH, he may just be trying to express a strong preference for HDW behavior in an inappropriate way. For instance, I related the anecdote about my H not wanting to have sex with me after I went to the gym (For the record, I had showered and put on deodorant before I went to the gym. I wasn't stinky and grotesque. I just had a little salt on my skin.). This bummed me out because my mental construct of a "normal horny man" wouldn't let a little gym sheen put a damper on his drive. Your H's mental construct of high-drive-Henrietta( Hank's sister) might include a little semen swallowing in her behavior profile. I think this is sort of the sense you have of his POV since your response to his action was to take a poll and determine what "normal" swallowing behavior might be. Of course, as we all have to learn again and again on this board, it doesn't matter what "normal" is. You prefer not to swallow. Your husband prefers a sexual partner who swallows. There is nothing wrong with either of these preferences. What was wrong was the lack of respect your H showed by "forcing" his preference on you. If this preference of his is very strong then he needs to act with integrity in his pursuit of it. If your preference is very strong than you need to act with integrity in order to maintain it. Your H could find a sexual partner who was willing to swallow if he made it one of his life priorities. You could find a sexual partner who didn't give a fig whether you swallowed and always hugged you before requesting a blow-job if you made it one of your life priorities. You know the program .

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver