I am confused. His saying to you, " How about a BJ?" and then commenting that he initiates all the time seems contradictory to me. His asking for a BJ is an initiation. Is he saying to you that he would really like it if sometime you just came to bed and surprised him with a BJ? It feels like he is putting you on the spot to "give"... I know that approach doesn't bring out my generous side. It's saying " I want this gift now; I do my part at other times so I deserve this now" rather than " I would really love this gift from you; it would mean a lot to me since I am feeling so exhausted these days," and then giving you time to respond.
I can relate to your not wanting to put the R badge back on...it symbolizes work, responsibility, effort, etc, and you want to be doing this together. Personally, I struggle with letting go of the badge and have decided that the next time we backslide ( and I know there will be a next time) the healthiest thing for me would be to go back to the MC and allow myself the freedom of being "just" an equal participant.
