We are not out of the woods yet... still stuff cropping up, and right now, I just don't have the energy to pick up the R-Badge again. That's not healthy. I have to figure out what my issue is.... it's in there somewhere.
No. I think I know what it is. I sit and watch him watch our R spiral and I think to myself, "is he going to grab the wheel or are we going to collide full speed into that canyon wall?" I'm having a time not 'flinching.'
Then I feel guilty because he is busy. Really busy. Stressed. Why does it bother me that he goes to bed before I do now, and when I do go to bed, he'll say to me in the dark, "how about a blow job?" No touches, no kisses, no hugs.
He'll say to me, "I initiate all the time." That's not how I recall it. But to me, that isn't the issue. I don't really give a fig who initiates, that's not the problem. If we are back to... "but I did this, and you don't do that!! You did this, so I didn't do that..." then we've really slid a lot further backwards than lack of sex. That really bothers me.
The only way out is for me to grab the wheel and pick up the R-Badge. At least, that's what it seems. Something's missing... and that is what I am pondering.
