On another note regarding the "immaturity" issue. My mother is not my confidante and she is somewhat mean-spirited. She refers to my H (but not to his face) as the "pampered prince". She told me that my mother-in-law( his own mother!) asked her when I was going to leave my H. The general consensus in the "real" world seems to be that I put up with too much and get too little from this relationship. This is true even though "the mothers" don't know about our sex problems(unless my sister has very loose lips ).
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: We were both too child-ISH to share that way and to let ourselves see and be seen that way.
I know that I used to be child-ISH or shy in this way myself. I think there was a moment when my children were very young and I had a lot of responsibilities in which I "grew up" and stopped being child-ISH in this way. I suddenly realized that I was a person with important work to do in this world and I couldn't let my own little insecurities get in the way. Ever since that day I have had a sense of self-assurance that I lacked as an adolescent or young adult that allows me to speak my mind or take action in the interest of myself or those I love. Unfortunately, I couldn't maintain the self-assurance I had been developing in the sexual arena since adolescence in the context of my SSM.
I don't really know if I want to have sex with "Snoopy". "Snoopy" seems a little too puppyish for me. I think I would prefer to howl with a fully mature wolf type.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Sex with Snoopy does not sound appealing. But if he's truly a happy, carefree spirit in that dance-y place then ML with him might be very nice indeed. Think of the wild man of the forest, unfettered, totally in touch with his wild, as well as his tender, soul. Now THAT's what I'm talkin' 'bout...
The goofy thing clearly appeals to some. MY DIL (whom we just visited over Christmas) says that her H (my late H's son) was a virgin when they married. She was not, and she had been engaged to someone else. She said on their wedding night, she came into the room in a white negligee, all ready for romancing. He came into the room naked, except for a pair of shorts. Written on the front of them, with an arrow pointing down were the words: "This Bud's for you." (His nickname is Bud.) She said to me: "I realized 'this is what the rest of my life is going to be like.'" She seems okay with it. They're devoted to each other. I don't know what their sex life is like now (obviously), but she talks often about how good life with him has been. They'll be married 20 years next year. Maybe he's still goofy in the bedroom and it's okay with her. Or maybe he has grown up. Don't know. I will add that neither he nor my DIL has an introspective bone in his or her respective body. In my next life I'm going to ask that the introspection gene be left out of me, too. I think I would be happier without it, or if I were unhappy, I wouldn't know it.
Day 1: Initiates sex. Day 2: Crabby and unpleasant. Day 3: Withdrawn and antisocial. Day 4: Realizes that JJ is ignoring him and starts acting affectionate in a nonsexual way. Day 5: JJ bores herself and the BB by examining this pattern of behavior in her H once again.
I continue to be in a reasonably good mood, but I wonder if this is an altogether good thing. I kind of feel like I'm taking a vacation from my relationship. I can't really take a strong stand on the sex issue until I get my financial house in order so I find myself humming that old Doris Day number "Que Sera Sera" as I go about my business. I almost feel like I could flip a coin -Heads- I stay and work on relationship. Tails- I take my chances elsewhere-and not really care which way the coin landed.
I was "biologically" horny last night so I MB in the tub. My MB fantasy did not star my H, but it could have. It's like I'm completely emotionally free to choose any fantasy I want and then abandon it just as easily.
I feel so good, I'm tempted to think that I'm "differentiated", but maybe I'm just "disinterested". How can I tell the difference? Why should I care?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I wonder if it's profitable to analyze sexual fantasies for meaning in the same way dreams can be analyzed? My sexual fantasy last night starred a character I shall call "suit-Dad". One time when I was watching my son play pee-wee t-ball, a father of one of the other kids arrived at the game. All of the other dads were dressed in casual gear, but this dad was wearing a very sharp suit. I guess it was just the contrast in appearance that attracted me and caused me to add him to my fantasy line-up.
In my fantasy last night, Suit-Dad and I are all dressed up ( I think CinemaNymph's high heel post must have affected me) and having dinner at a restaurant, as we leave the table he places his hand on the small of my back in a sort of sexual yet protective/possessive gesture and I am thoroughly aroused. Why did I choose to fantasize about Suit-Dad last night rather than my H?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
"Suit guy" is a grown up. Touching the small of your back is a grown up, caretaking gesture from a confident guy. When we were dating and my H would do this (before we had started ML) I was just about ready to jump him then and there.
I think you're right. This makes me think that I should add a grown-up detail of my own to the fantasy just so "suit-dad" isn't a father figure. Maybe I could brush something off his lapel while maintaining eye contact. That way we could be equally sexually mature adults who know what they're doing.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
). 
