It's interesting you should bring up dancing. I remember when I was married the first time going to a New Year's Eve party with my husband. It was probably New Year's of 1973. There was a couple there, she was pregnant. Her husband was an ex Catholic brother like my husband. At one point they danced with each other, not close, but holding both their hands, just gazing at each other, so happy, so close... I envied it then, and I still do. It was a moment of complete sharing and openness. My first husband and I never had that. We were both too child-ISH to share that way and to let ourselves see and be seen that way. When I looked at that couple, I felt very young (although they weren't any older than we were, and hadn't been married any longer.)
The constantly recurring theme is "can we both come out of hiding?" This is the essence of Passionate Marriage: show yourself whether you feel it's safe or not, and then hold on for your partner's reaction. One of us has to come out of hiding first.
It's funny, because I used to say to my late H that it felt to me that I had come out into the clearing and exposed myself and that he continued to hide in the bushes.
I think you're right that that place where your husband dances for sheer joy is a place where, if he would let you join him, you would find shared bliss. Not permanent bliss, but a taste of it, and moments of it that you could come back to, enough to keep you going and enough to keep you firmly in love with him. If that place could be the place where you could meet to ML... ah... how sweet...
