Quote: Underneath it all is a voice that keeps repeating: "it shouldn't have to be THIS hard... it shouldn't have to be THIS hard..."
My first joking reply is "but you want it to be hard, don't you?".
My second more serious reply based on my new relaxed outlook is to tell you that it only has to be as hard as you are willing to tolerate. You could have exited your relationship the first time your BF turned you down for sex. Why didn't you? Obviously there is something about your relationship that makes you willing to work hard at "fixing" the sex part in order to maintain it. It is natural to question your judgement as you continue to decide whether it is worthwhile to stay in the relationship. Just remember the decision is totally up to you and you can change your mind tomorrow if circumstances dictate. Maybe there really is something in this relationship that you value more than sex. Maybe there is enough of something in this relationship that you are willing to keep working on the relationship. Maybe not. The lack of sex is what makes you want to leave the relationship. This isn't what is making you miserable. The thought of losing whatever is making you want to stay in the relationship is what is making you miserable. When you figure out how you can live without that, you'll be ready to leave. When you decide that you can't live without that, you'll be content to stay.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
