January: Chapter 1 in the New Beginning

[psluke]

Ok, the aim is to be firm, fairly direct but still myself, not too emotional but honest about my feelings and non accusing or difficult.

Input requested.

Hi D,

I signed a blank transfer and sent it to your A's office to T's attention. I don't have the horse info to fill in as I left all of that on your desk before I moved out of the house. It was there with the papers that were filed out to send for her duplicate registration.

I have no way of knowing what your plans are for the house as I haven't heard anything from you on it. The e-mails I have sent haven't been responded to that I have received.

If it is something you just can't discuss with me would you want to use Dad as a go between if he doesn't mind? I have no problem with Dad if he doesn't have a problem with me. Or I could ask G to be a go between for us if you like. I don't think he would mind doing that to help us out.

I personally would prefer you just go ahead and buy me out with my offer of not having to pay me till the house is sold. Not because I don't want to deal with you, but because the house still has an emotional attachment for me and I'm sure will have for a while yet.

My C says probably the reason you hadn't reacted as I expected over B or the other dogs is you have already detached and disassociated with them prior to the divorce and it is ground that I have to cover now. So I assume you probably no longer have the emotional attachment to PK that I do and it won't be difficult for you to see it sold as it will be for me.

Please let me know what you think as I really don't see a need here for more money to be spent on attorney fees.

Thanks,
Pam

[sage]

Hey Ms. Pam! How's Breeze doing?

Hi D,

I signed a blank transfer and sent it to your A's office to T's attention. I don't have the horse info to fill in as I left all of that on your desk before I moved out of the house. It was there with the papers that were filed out to send for her duplicate registration.

---

This is good!

I have no way of knowing what your plans are for the house as I haven't heard anything from you on it. The e-mails I have sent haven't been responded to that I have received.

The last sentence is confusing. Something like "I have sent more than one e-mail to you on the topic but haven't received any response."

If it is something you just can't discuss with me would you want to use Dad as a go between if he doesn't mind? I have no problem with Dad if he doesn't have a problem with me. Or I could ask G to be a go between for us if you like. I don't think he would mind doing that to help us out.

hmmmm...G? that seems like an awkward idea!

why not replace this with something like: "how would you like to move forward with this? If you're not comfortable interacting with me directly, I am open to using a third party as a go between. If you agree, who do you suggest? I'm sure my father would agree if you would be comfortable with that. "

I personally would prefer you just go ahead and buy me out with my offer of not having to pay me till the house is sold. Not because I don't want to deal with you, but because the house still has an emotional attachment for me and I'm sure will have for a while yet.

ok...be careful though...are you admitting that you have been dragging your feet? or were you trying to say "I think it would be difficult for me to deal with this on a day to day basis."?

My C says probably the reason you hadn't reacted as I expected over B or the other dogs is you have already detached and disassociated with them prior to the divorce and it is ground that I have to cover now. So I assume you probably no longer have the emotional attachment to PK that I do and it won't be difficult for you to see it sold as it will be for me.

OUCH. I would definitely leave this paragraph out.

Please let me know what you think as I really don't see a need here for more money to be spent on attorney fees.

Sounds good!

Sage

[psluke]

Hi Sage,

B has had no more spells but still isn't eating well and very weak. Slow process it seems for her to recoop.

The last sentence is confusing. Something like "I have sent more than one e-mail to you on the topic but haven't received any response."

I like this.

why not replace this with something like: "how would you like to move forward with this? If you're not comfortable interacting with me directly, I am open to using a third party as a go between. If you agree, who do you suggest? I'm sure my father would agree if you would be comfortable with that. "

I like this also, although it is his dad I was suggesting not mine and I always call his dad, dad not mine so he would know who I mean.

ok...be careful though...are you admitting that you have been dragging your feet? or were you trying to say "I think it would be difficult for me to deal with this on a day to day basis."?

No, not to dragging my feet but that I don't want to have to work to get the house ready to sell and deal with the realtor and offers or any of that stuff to see the house sold. It is emotional for me and not something I feel would be good for me in my endeavor to heal. He on the other hand hasn't even lived in that house for almost 2 years so I would not expect it to bother him.

OUCH. I would definitely leave this paragraph out.

Honest that wasn't meant as any sort of dig but more of an explaination of why I didn't think it would be difficult for him to see the house sold.

[sage]

Honest that wasn't meant as any sort of dig but more of an explaination of why I didn't think it would be difficult for him to see the house sold.

Oh...I didn't see it as a dig...more that it just would convey that you had been using at least a second of your C sessions talking about HIS motivations. Who has time for that?

Sage

[psluke]

Ok,

I have taken it out. How does this version look?

Hi D,

I signed a blank transfer and sent it to your A's office to Tina's attention. I don't have the horse info to fill in as I left all of that on your desk before I moved out of the house. It was there with the papers that were filed out to send for her duplicate registration.

I have no way of knowing what your plans are for the house as we haven't discussed it. (seems less accusatory than saying received no respose, doesn't it?)

If you're not comfortable interacting with me directly on the house, I am open to using a third party as a go between. If you agree, who do you suggest? If dad doesn't mind doing it and dealing with me I have no problem with him.


I personally would prefer you just go ahead and buy me out with my offer of not having to pay me till the house is sold. Not because I don't want to deal with you, but because the house still has an emotional attachment for me and I feel it would be difficult for me to deal closely with seeing it sold.


Please let me know what you think as I really don't see a need here for more money to be spent on attorney fees.

Thanks,
Pam

[sage]

sounds good. I think you have 1 typo in the first paragraph (should "filed" be "filled"?)

Sage

Ok,

I have taken it out. How does this version look?

Hi D,

I signed a blank transfer and sent it to your A's office to Tina's attention. I don't have the horse info to fill in as I left all of that on your desk before I moved out of the house. It was there with the papers that were filed out to send for her duplicate registration.

I have no way of knowing what your plans are for the house as we haven't discussed it. (seems less accusatory than saying received no respose, doesn't it?)

If you're not comfortable interacting with me directly on the house, I am open to using a third party as a go between. If you agree, who do you suggest? If dad doesn't mind doing it and dealing with me I have no problem with him.


I personally would prefer you just go ahead and buy me out with my offer of not having to pay me till the house is sold. Not because I don't want to deal with you, but because the house still has an emotional attachment for me and I feel it would be difficult for me to deal closely with seeing it sold.


Please let me know what you think as I really don't see a need here for more money to be spent on attorney fees.

Thanks,
Pam

[psluke]

Thank you very much Sage!

At least I am not nearly as quick to send a response without thinking as I used to be!

[psluke]

I had sent my e-mail to G earlier and he still feels I am being rather unclear and not direct enough. His closing statement:

SERIOUSLY -- DON'T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH. SAY WHAT YOU WANT AND WHEN YOU WANT IT. STATE IT PLAINLY. REMEMBER HE IS AN ENGINEER WE DON'T DO INFERENCES GOOD

So based on some of his input, some of it is unprintable.

Here is my e-mail again. My aim is to be respectful and to the point.

Hi D,

I signed a blank transfer and mailed it to your A's office, Attn: T on Tuesday March 8. I do not have the horse info to fill in. I left a signed transfer and the forms to send for a duplicate registration on Lucy at the house on PK. I put them on your desk in August, after I received the divorce papers.

I had no way of knowing what your thoughts were on the house. We have not discussed it. What are your plans for the house?

If you are not comfortable interacting with me directly, I am open to using a third party as a go between. If you agree, who do you suggest? If dad doesn't mind doing it and dealing with me, I have no problem with him.

I personally would prefer you go ahead and buy me out of PK. We could write up a statement listing the amount and stating you don't have to pay me till the house is sold, sign it and have it notarized. Because my share is a set amount it would be up to you what you want to do and the time frame you do it in on the house. Not because I don't want to deal with you; but I still have an emotional attachment to the house. It would be difficult for me to deal closely with seeing it sold.


Please let me know what you think on the house and that you received the transfer for Lucy.
I really do not see a need for more money to be spent on attorney fees as I feel if we can find a way to communicate with one another we can settle what is left to be done.

Thanks,
Pam

[psluke]

Trying to get something just right and be careful it can't be taken the wrong way is tiring!!!!!!!!

No wonder I don't usually take the time to do it.

[sage]

I'm glad you have G (a male engineer!) to encourage you to be more direct. this female engineer tried but probably wasn't direct enough!!!

I bet D will really appreciate how forthright you have been.

Sage