Thanks for the birthday wishes! This conversation on intimate friends and connection has really been intriguing me over here and I've not had a lot of time to post around here.
I was wondering what I can learn from it and whether I had anything to add-- it's a topic that has really been on my mind and in my life lately. But back to you!
Quote: For me, when I feel connected with someone, it is like there are no barriers to communications, no inhibitions, no fear of saying the wrong thing. Right now, NG and I are being very polite with each other, and we are processing much of what we feel privately, or in my case, sometimes here on the boards. I regret the gap in our connection. In many ways we share more, about our work, our friends and our families. Yet, in other ways, our frustrations with each other, our fears, hopes and dreams - it all feels awkward. I like to think it is a matter of time, but who knows, ya?
I have a couple of very good friends, both have been with me since we were all 8 years old I feel very connected with these friends in that in the context of our friendship, we are open and entirely comfortable with each other. Sure, sometimes we are perhaps too honest with each other, and we retreat into cave time, lick our wounds, and embrace each other again.
If connection feels to you like an old and timeworn friendship... well, that kind of connection IS a matter of time. And other things of course, but spending time is a big part of developing that kind of R.
I don't think the politeness or private processing is at all unusual or red-flag-like in your situation.
But if connection to you means you ease out of that place and into one where you're more comfortable sharing openly with one another, then someone needs to say so. And someone needs to make that a safe thing to do, to invite that, and to let whatever is shared be OK to be shared (even if it's not pleasing).
This isn't easy, especially when you want to be pleasing one another or protecting yourself from getting too vulnerable.
I suspect you're going to be the one who gets the job. I don't believe real, lasting connections happen without asking for what we want. Because how else is the guy going to know? Or as a MF of mine pointed out once, he "wants to know what I'm doing right". Same goes for him telling you.
That takes time.
Is it a type of connection that neither of you are familiar with... perhaps that's true too. I think we know when we are connected with someone... and sometimes it takes forms that aren't our "prescribed definition", so we get confused.
So maybe you're just in uncharted territory with one another?
