Quote: To which he responded, its always the woman chasing the man. Hmmm. I'm not sure where he is going with this, but by my reckoning, NG is a long way from being healed, if he is still unable to confront his role in the a.
You know, Slowly, I have a different take on this, and I think it is a GREAT sign that he's saying this!
Now - mind you I am NOT excusing him for his responsibility in starting the affair - BUT - let's face it. Women use their wiles to get guys into Rs with them, often in ways that are so manipulative that the guy doesn't even know what hit him. I think women are much more devious than men usually in this regard.
In the initial stages of reconnection, the WAH still thinks it was a "great love". It is only later that they start to realize that they were had - that the OW was just telling them what they wanted to hear to reel them in, and that what seemed like genuine concern for HIM was really just her trying to fill HER need to WIN a guy.
I know my H's OW found him when he was depressed and vulnerable, and reeled him in by faking an interest in surfing (H later told me she was HORRIBLE at it ), playing helpless ("oh, I wouldn't know how to pick out a wetsuit, would you go to the store with me?"), then faking a broken dinner date ("Oh, my brother cancelled dinner on me" - getting my H to offer her to go to dinner with him and kids while I was out of town), then later saying "oh, you're going on a business trip to Hawaii? Gosh, I've always wanted to go there, but I could never afford it" (to which my H, by then on the hook, but also an inherently generous soul, said "well, I'm staying in a big place there, you could come and share the apartment if you want").
Sure, my H should have never taken any of those steps. But she definitely was on the hunt - and H never realized it at the time. It was only later, after we had been reconciled for a while, that he realized he had been had.
So - I think it's a GREAT sign that your H finally realizes this about women, and no longer thinks of OW as some innocent who just had the bad fortune to fall in love with irresistible him.
Plus - I'm sure the guilt is eating him alive. Even now, my H just can't dicuss certain topics (relating to how badly he treated me during that time) without practically breaking down.
So how about shifting the focus onto the positive future?
), playing helpless ("oh, I wouldn't know how to pick out a wetsuit, would you go to the store with me?"), then faking a broken dinner date ("Oh, my brother cancelled dinner on me" - getting my H to offer her to go to dinner with him and kids while I was out of town), then later saying "oh, you're going on a business trip to Hawaii? Gosh, I've always wanted to go there, but I could never afford it" (to which my H, by then on the hook, but also an inherently generous soul, said "well, I'm staying in a big place there, you could come and share the apartment if you want").
