I think taking care of our own needs (when others do not meet them) is the ONLY way to go. I remember recently you were talking about more GAL activities--have you been doing these?
Things are still look good for your sitch. Granted, a little backward steps going on, but step back and look at it over all. YOu are doing a great job and things WILL work out. Time and patience. And of course, your great skill in DBing! Keep up the PMA and stay the course.
{{{{{slowly}}}}}
Love Michael
Didn't know what love was, Didn't know what pain does.......
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Hi Michael - Thanks for stopping by - youa re right, overall things are still moving in the right direction. Sometimes when NG pulls a reaction similar to one he did during the a, I just find myself spinning into an emotional abyss.
It was a rough weekend, with me wanting more attention, and him just not being in the mood. My suspicions that he was back in contact with ow were at the root of this latest episode. Nothing more than NG wanting some space, and I'm immediately in lala land
Sometimes when NG pulls a reaction similar to one he did during the a, I just find myself spinning into an emotional abyss.
It was a rough weekend, with me wanting more attention, and him just not being in the mood. My suspicions that he was back in contact with ow were at the root of this latest episode. Nothing more than NG wanting some space, and I'm immediately in lala land
It's like an express train, isn't it?
I can totally relate...and you captured it perfectly with your first paragraph...any behaviors that resemble "that time" can bring it all back.
I've been doing some data collection turns out that when h isn't feeling well physically and/or when he's stressed about something he withdraws in a way that is reminiscent (yah, I know, stating the freaking obvious). Anyway, it builds my repertoire of possible "reasons". Even better, though, is when I can stop looking for "answers" and just let him be. Ya know?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Sage - I totally agree, I need to let him be. Its so easy to drive myself crazy. Things go well for a few days, then I start looking for more. Ugh.
Just as well I've been schooling myself with no expectations for today, because it looks like nothing is going to happen. I sent him an e-card - quite soppy. I know he has picked it up, but no acknowledgement. Ah well.
Had a fab weekend, a wonderful yoga session with NG on Saturday morning, went to a great party Sat nite, and just chilled out on Sunday. My cousin was in town, so caught up with him, which was wonderful.
I'm hoping for a less frantic week this week, so I can catch up here
Hi Pan - Its so good to have you around - I've been re-reading some of your posts over at the other forum. Something that has me focused on these days is where I am at my life and relationship. Your take on hormonal cascade is intriguing:
Phase one is what you’d call “random lust”. Not focused on any particular person, just the drive to have sex, be close, etc. Most married people focus it towards their spouse, but some focus it towards pretty much anyone willing to play.
Oh yes, I remember what this was like
Phase two is the phase of “romantic love”, that excited and tingly feeling where you sit next to the phone with your heart beating and you have a hard time concentrating on anything except your beloved.
I think the sad part of this is that the LBS experiences all this after the bomb, but with a great deal of fear and insecurity at the crux of the raging emotions.
Phase three regulates long-term relationships. It’s nowhere was intense as phase two (or nobody would ever get anything done!), but stands for a calmer and more manageable love.
For me, this is now taking a new life. For NG, I think he just wants to go back to how it was, which alas is no longer possible. I wonder when he will realise this?
All of these phases are regulated by different combinations of hormones. I could list them for you, but it would probably be far too confusing. Not every person we meet automatically triggers all three phases. Phase one is still manageable …people are still able to “walk away” if they try (at least once they’re past a certain age.) Phase two is where things become very tricky, and can easily become completely unmanageable. Yes, one can potentially still walk away, but it’s much, much harder. That’s why it’s often necessary for an affair to “run its course” … until it either reaches Phase three, or fizzles out into nothing.
It seems to me that the hormones involved in phases 1 and 2 have a lot to do with the 'uncertainty' of the other person's feelings. Alas, in a long term relationship, there is inevitably greater understanding, and therefore some of the excitement of conquest, of discovery, is just not there.
It was a rough evening, admittedly I was feeling emotional, as it was our anniversary, and NG did not even have the courtesy, or care, to acknowledge the card I had sent. I thought I'd be OK, but as the day progressed, the burden of hurt got unbearable. I suppose its the culmination of many things, mainly the fact that he just wants to move on like nothing happened, while I feel the lack of closure is now intolerable.
In many ways, I feel like I'm allowing myself to be taken fpr granted. Take dinner last night. We had the usual exchange about what shall we do, and in the end, we felt like staying at home and having a quiet meal. While I was in the kitchen, NG continued with his emails. Now, we have had this discussion before, about how cooking at home is a joint decision and activity, even if he is just having his beer at the breakfast counter, it just is more companionable.
It also feels like the relationship is receding away from any meaningful intimacy. OK, we cuddle up as we sleep, and have a terrific physical life, but it is based on implicit feelings. His lack of endearments, except in direct response to anything I initiate, is, frankly, off-putting. Like it is a duty he is going through the motions, and why, I'm not sure.
turns out that when h isn't feeling well physically and/or when he's stressed about something he withdraws in a way that is reminiscent (yah, I know, stating the freaking obvious). Anyway, it builds my repertoire of possible "reasons". Even better, though, is when I can stop looking for "answers" and just let him be. Ya know?
