Dear Maya - Yes, this has brought us closer, which is wonderful. I think he sees a difference in my reactions too, a couple of years ago, I would have responded to some of the unfairness, this time, I stayed detached and let him deal with it, and he came through more than I could have ever expected.
I've been reading up Matilda's threads, she has some similar experiences
I think he sees a difference in my reactions too, a couple of years ago, I would have responded to some of the unfairness, this time, I stayed detached and let him deal with it, and he came through more than I could have ever expected.
This makes all the difference in the world. In a way, you even db'ed them with this one. I wonder how the relatives or if the relatives notice changes in you.
I have wondered if I am becoming less controlling in other areas of my life.
Hi GBO - Yes, patience. and GAL. and mystery. and a bunch of 180s. Hard work, but you know that. Sometimes I still get unglued, and so far my most reliable recovery technique is thinking that today may be the last day I have with NG - motivates me to stay in the moment.
I've caught a cold again. Sigh. Its been a lousy winter, health wise.
Been trying to keep up with everyone a little bit at a time.
Sorry to hear that you're feeling under the weather again. Be nice to yourself, okay? Feeling less than terrific really affects the PMA and the ability to think in a "glass is half full" manner, you know?
Hugs to you.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Way to go, NG! It's really important to allow our partners to go out there and fight for us once in a while - I recall Maya's sitch, when her H was getting angry at her family over TG dinner - it allows them an opportunity to show Hey, I can take care of you. I'm having "taking care of" issues in my own sitch, and I know how being taken care of can really fill that tank.
It's letting them take care of you the way THEY need to that's hard sometimes. Nice that you could let him, and that he did, and that everyone was behind you.
Wow, things are going well over here (despite the sniffles )
Hie Maya, Betsey, Jennifer and GBO - Its been a rough time with the cold, which became a chest infection very quickly. Thankfully the old shot of brandy every nite chased the bugs away, and I'm back on my feet. I expect it'll be another week before I'm completely a-ok, but it has been time well spent processing some stuff going on here
Which in itself has been strange. There is nothing going on, and yet a lot of serious stuff emerging. A couple of weeks ago, as NG was going out to bat with his family, I was feeling strangely disconnected with him. Like, happy he was fighting my corner, but honestly, I did not even know there were problems until after it was all over. He has been keeping their 'snipes' from me - another example of the 'protectiveness'. Anyhow, the argument escalated to now between his sibling and his mum - and he opened up on some ancient history to help me understand the dynamics. This itself is new, his opening up without me prompting. I'm finding that the less I ask, the more he tells.
And so there we had it, a great opportunity for me to db. I kind of pointed out that it was wrong of his siblings to hold a grudge against their parents for so long, we are talking about incompatibility going back 30 years. Suggested he took a lead in helping everyone understand that we are all different people, it is time to let go and move on. No point staying together as a family if betterness and resentment is just under the surface. Somewhere along the conversation, I know we were subtly addressing the issue of forgiveness between us. We are both still feeling raw, and in no shape to have a direct conversation, but I sense a lightness in him that was not there 2 weeks ago.
Slowly, welcome back! I'm sorry about the chest infection and glad the brandy is helping .
This is such good news. He is addressing family issues--can you just imagine how much of that tension has been directed at you all this time?--and opening up to you about it. And YOU are giving him space to do so.
The Bowen family systems therapy folks would be so proud . Harriet Lerner all the way.
In all seriouness, this is the stuff of healing on a deeper level and I am so GLAD for you.
Betsey 
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