Dear Maya - I'm encouraged you feel the same way about a little mystery, and not second guessing what it is that he is asking me. I guess cultivating good listening skills does not mean we need to let them off the hook in terms of asking for what they want
It is also reassuring to be reminded that clearer boundaries strengthen a relationship - I still struggle with asserting myself in this area. Ugh. Work in progress.
Here is a sub-goal for me to start on right away - no more snooping It has been over a year since I looked in his cell phone, but some days the temptation to look is just so strong. No snooping is a decision I intend to stick to, because what is now more important to me is what I do, rather than what NG does. Phew, I hafta say, it has taken me a looong time, and a lot of processing to get to this point. I feel more at peace now, and need to recall this feeling the next time I get an anxiety attack.
Reading Ellie's feedback over at Totite's thread, that it took more than a year for her H to process his guilt, calmed me. I was getting a little worried about the lack of endearments, tenderness but I can also see that NG is struggling with himself, and does better when I just give him the space.
It has been over a year since I looked in his cell phone, but some days the temptation to look is just so strong. No snooping is a decision I intend to stick to, because what is now more important to me is what I do, rather than what NG does. Phew, I hafta say, it has taken me a looong time, and a lot of processing to get to this point. I feel more at peace now, and need to recall this feeling the next time I get an anxiety attack.
Slowly 
