Quote: Question for the tribal elders - should I be addressing his hidden concerns, or just take his questions at face value and move on, as I answered them all at face value?
We agonize over our own insecurities and doubts...yet we delight in theirs! It is really a fine line, imo.
I know that you are concerned with alleviateing your own insecurities and trusting NG again. This work is work that you need do on your own but it does take some real communication with NG.
You have been changing so much of who you are and how you respond to his needs that he is reeling. I don't think this is a bad thing. I think it is great to have informed him that you were not available to play hostess to his friends. I think that you are setting clearer boundaries and this can only strengthen a relationship in the long run.
As for answering his questions at face value? I think that is ok, too. A bit of mystery is good for the guy....and look at how effective it is! If it comes up again and he asks a similar face value question you can then ask if he needs something else from you... "NG, is this really about the ______ or are you asking me something else?" And do this in an open and caring way so that he can share a bit more with you.
I think you are doing a wonderful job... You are expecting more from NG but you are also digging deeper to expect more from yourself. That has to be good for both of you.
