I'd say this ability to adapt goes along more with a person's outlook on life (generally optimistic, easy-going, always willing to throw in yet another solution to any given problem...) more so than a person's sexual appetite (HD/LD state).
I moved a lot when I was a kid, too. This was due to my mother's marriages and divorces instead of being in the armed forces (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA).
Atlanta Dave and the NOPs can chime in when I say this, but I think you will find that an SSM is not so much about HD/LD as it is about a slew of other things. It just appears that way on the surface. However, the 'just do it' approach is a good method for jump-starting the recovery phase.
Anyway, this whole personal examination thing is extremely important and very enlightening. If you haven't done it, I'd encourage you to do so. You will find that you have preferences/opinions, likes/dislikes you NEVER KNEW you had simply because you never gave it any thought. Lil is EXACTLY right in that, until you do this, you will tolerate behavior from people that you should never, ever take from anyone simply because you know how to adapt so well.
For instance, I discovered that I do in fact like sex very much. I thought I didn't. But I do. So then I had to find out what it was I didn't like that was getting in the way of me enjoying sex... this did a number of things for me.
1. I no longer responded to my H out of guilt that I somehow wasn't built correctly; this forced him to change his tactics.
2. My self-esteem and sexual-esteem grew by leaps and bounds; this forced him to confront his own insecurities. (Not because I made him do that, but because I was no longer tolerant of him trying to make his issues my issues.)
3. I discovered that my likes and dislikes are as valid as anyone else's... but until you know what they are, it makes it darn tough to state them.
4. When I knew what my likes and dislikes were, I could CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE my actions and reactions to any given situation because I had a basic respect for self. This, more than anything, helps in the 'setting boundaries' department. Meaning, how can you possibly ask someone to respect you when most of your responses through the day are "I don't really care... I don't really have a preference... it doesn't really matter to me..."
Bu!!shiit!! It MATTERS!! We just don't KNOW that it matters because we haven't taken the time to figure it out... because we never HAD TIME to figure it out... we were always moving, always adapting at an age when we really didn't have any choice.
But now we do have choices, and now it is time to explore personal preferences!!!!!...
I cannot believe all the things I used to do just because... that's what I always did. I discovered that I was in fact more Democrat than Republican (though I don't vote party lines). I NEVER KNEW THAT about me. I thought I was Republican because 'that's what the family does...'
I f_ckin' HATE brussel sprouts, and I don't give a FIG how good they are for me. I will never eat one again. Ever.
I like going to the movies by myself. I like going with other people, too. But I enjoy going by myself if there is a movie I want to see and no one else does.
I like to listen to instrumental music when I have sex. I always sleep better when it's raining. I hate American Domestic Beer, but it will do in a pinch. I prefer the TP going over the top, but I could give a hang less if someone didn't put the roll on 'correctly.' This is not an issue in my life (though it really used to be).
My mother used to tell me, "honey, we don't clean a house because it is dirty. We clean the house to keep it from getting dirty."
That's the rule I lived by. Incessant cleaning as I grew up. White glove test, the whole 9 yards. Yes. I will admit publically now... I was an obsessive cleaner. I could ruin my family's entire day if the pillows weren't straight.
Til I really gave it some thought. I clean when I feel something needs cleaned. I'm still obsessive about the kitchen. The rest... I got over. Not out of revolt, just simply because I changed how **I** do things because that is what **I** prefer.
I could go on and on and on... because I now KNOW. These things may seem trivial, I'll give you that. But it is 100% genuine ME... not what I picked up along the way.
It makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. If you do nothing else in your marriage, DO THIS.
