I think you holding back saying "yes, I will fight you for our daughter," is a good response for phone talk. She needs to see your face and look you in the eye when you tell her that you will fight for your family (if that is what you intend to do).
Let's prepare for your arrival at home tonight.
This is going to be a toughie, but you, first and foremost, must keep a grip on your emotions. Getting angry or hurt during the 'sh!t hitting the fan' stage only spreads the sh!t further. We need to contain, contain, contain. It's going to fly, has already started... so... that's that.
Try to keep the topic on the MC, not on divorce. If she starts throwing around the D word, this is emotional assault on her part. You get your day in court with the MC, and I'd suggest, if your counselor does not, having a one-on-one meeting with the both of you separately first before you go in for joint counseling.
At this point, try to stay away from sex talk. It is bound to come up, for she's going to throw it all over you. A great statement to this is: "our lack of sex is only the symptom of a much larger issue. That larger issue is my concern. I love you and I want you to stay. But I think we need help in resolving this."
Let her pick the counselor, HD. See and talk to the person first befor you scratch them off your list. It's hard to remain hopeful in a situation like this, but giving her the lead on this one is okay. It's not like you've been idle, just waiting for her to wake up and get a sex life. You've been reading book after book; you've been coming here; you've got a pretty firm handle on LD issues.
You are NOT walking into the Lion's Den blind.
Plus, you are a very intelligent man with lots of integrity and a great sense of humor.
You have one thing that you and your wife can agree on. MC. Keep the focus on that if you can. If things start escalating, say, "you know what. Let's not cause more damage to one another before we get to MC. We're both frustrated and angry and neither one of us feels heard. We've agreed to get help. Let's leave it there, for now."
