I'm not sure that I am one to be handing out advice right now, so take it however...
I think what your wife is referring to when she speaks of the 'in love' feeling for 18 months is the lustful, butterflies in your belly feeling. That is actually an accurate study that has been done. Whatever those chemicals are that give us those 'physical yearnings' last for approximately 12 to 24 months.
What your wife is missing, however, is the emotional connection which takes place in those 12 to 24 months which REPLACE the physical yearnings, allowing two people to weave together a more intimate and solid relationship.
I don't mean to chuckle, but I'd love to see your W and my H in a room talking about intimacy. That'd be a hoot. You and I could sit ring side together and eat our popcorn. I imagine our heads going back and forth, back and forth, like watching a tennis match. We could place bets and everything...
Anyway, by the snippet's of the convos you've been posting, I see you are getting better at staying on task with 'the issue at hand,' but when she starts turning your words, you have to back track to try and straighten her out, and she just continues to dilute and confuse the convo. When she does this, try to remember your original statement or question. If she deflects, say, 'well get back to that in a minute,' and repeat statement or question. Do NOT argue deflection points.
Obviously, your W is stuck in her own POV. I know that feeling. Your wife is stuck with the understanding that you just need her to get your rocks off. She sees a sex act as degrading for her, rather than a mature expression of trust, communication and intimacy between a husband and wife.
My advice to you is to not let up on this issue. Not now. She is getting 'meaner' because you are getting closer and closer to breaching all of her defenses. Keep pushing.
