Furthermore, you are going to have to make some basic changes in your interaction with your wife.
Step one, regain control of your finances. If you haven't already, setup a joint account, but separate your individual moneys.
Step two, get serious about the situation. I am not saying, "get mean", just serious. This is the "somber" state that MrsNOP spoke about in a post to you a while back.
Write your thoughts if you like. Keep it simple. Whenever she comes back at you with philosophy or other babble (and I mean babble, not real issues), then point her back to the simple request.
HD: "I can not continue in this relationship in its current state with a complete absence of sex. I need to know specifically when you intend to correct this situation."
HDW: "If you will just respect my saying no, we will get around to it."
HD: "Give me a specific date when you will get around to it, and specifics on the frequency thereafter."
HDW: "Well I just [insert babble objections here]"
HD: "I can not continue in this relationship in its current state with a complete absence of sex. I need to know specifically when you intend to correct this situation."
Step three, stop doing the 'feel good' extra stuff. Limit your participation with your wife to basic maintenance of the family. That is mostly children. NO TOUCHY, FEELY, GRABBY.
When queried as to why you are being distant, you answer "I can not continue in this relationship in its current state with a complete absence of sex. I need to know specifically when you intend to correct this situation".
Hairdog, your wife MUST UNDERSTAND that SHE is the responsible party here. The stalemate must be broken by her, BY HER INITIATION, not yours.
That doesn't mean that she doesn't have legitimate issues with you, but for now, they are less important than the basic life of the relationship.
What you must understand is that you are a conflict avoider. What that means for your relationship is that avoiding putting your situation back right, until the last minute, will find you with little left to give.
That means that your chances for recovering your relationship are diminishing with each day that passes while your situation remains in stasis.
As a conflict avoider, you must step out before you are comfortable and see to the needs of your relationship. Consider it a child. Your child is standing in the crib with a soiled diaper, screaming with hunger. When are you going to take action?
The simple truth IS what you are telling your wife. The TRUTH is that the relationship IS going to fail if it isn't repaired. It isn't a game you are playing with her.
You are an intelligent man, HD. You know good and well I am feeding you the truth.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
