Had a short "TALK" with my W Sunday morning. This occurred after we had been laying in bed, I touched her breasts, which she allowed -- until I started stroking them. She push my hand down, so I started to kind of rub toward the direction of her crotch, which she also allowed, and, as we were in the spooning position, I let her know that I was aroused. She said, "I just don't know what to do anymore when you get aroused and I don't want to ML. And you ALWAYS get aroused when you touch me...which is why I usually don't let you touch me." She went on to say that, when I get aroused and she says, "no", I am "mean" to her. This meanness, she admitted, can be (and usually is) as subtle as me rolling away from her and quietly sighing. We've had this conversation many times. She told me, predictably, that I have to be comfortable with her saying "no." I told her that I have demonstrated that I am comfortable with this, but that I would probably do a better job if she said "yes" once in a while.
She said, predictably, that she does say "yes" once in a while. I said, predictably, that twice in one year doesn't do it for me. She said that even though I thought I was comfortable with her saying 'no', I wasn't REALLY comfortable with it.
I reminded her that I wasn't going to live in a SSM forever, and she replied with, "If you're going to threaten me, then let's just get a divorce." I said it's not a threat, it's just me telling you what I will or will not tolerate.
You know this conversation folks, as I've reported it many times. She said that she loved me and wanted me to be happy, but that if I just "cooled it" on the sex issue, it would probably happen. I told her, that I had "cooled it," with no change occurring. I asked her if she would actually tell me if she never felt like ML with me again. She said, "I can't imagine feeling that way, but yes, I would tell you." (One rather dim bright spot in the whole conversation).
After about 15 minutes of this (which we should just record and play back every month or so, to save our breath), I just got very upset...said I was done talking about it, and I left the room.
Later in the day, we kind of did our own thing, until we sat down and watched the Kansas Jayhawks prevail over the Kentucky Wildcats (great game!). During the game, she and DD3 sat with me on the couch and I told her that one thing I had really liked about the vacation cabin was that the room was arranged so that we spent a lot of time together on the couch, rather than being in separate chairs, like our house. I suggested a rearrangement of furniture, and we actually did it, and spent part of the evening watching TV together on the couch. I touched her, and yes, she even touched me a bit.
During dinner she said, "You may find another woman who will make love to you, but you will never find one who will put up with your ex-wife, or love your kids like I do." There is some truth to that.
I didn't bring up the once-a-week schedule, or me moving downstairs, and I WANT to bring this up. I'm tempted to do it in writing. I know, wuss's way out. I just get so damned emotional when I try to talk to her about this. It's really one of those role-reversal things, where the man gets all weepy and the woman is rock solid. Not that she doesn't cry or get emotional, just that I can only HOM up to a point, after which the hopelessness just seems to engulf me.
I know this has been a long post, but I was looking for some ideas about whether writing to her about this issue is worthwhile, or if I should just strap on some balls and talk to her about it.
