The lesson? Well, for starters, though I may claim to be HD here, I'm probably only desiring her maybe 10% - 20% of the time I'm with her. Life gets in the way so much you know. Why should I expect her to desire me at those exact times?
Another thing she told me while we were on the couch: that she likes it in the early morning, when her brain is basically empty (and there is a vicious 4-year-old guarding her chastity). I'd call that a standing invitation!
Can I tell you what an immense break-through this is? Can I underscore enough how HUGE this is for you?
Why? Because you noticed something about YOUR behavior that caught your attention, and you really thought about it, without resentment, or blaming it on your wife. It allowed you to approach your wife and cuddle on the couch with her. Yes, sex would have be preferable, HOWEVER, because you went with the flow, you did get some valuable affection from her, and she was willing to open up to you... to reach out and say, "I'd prefer mornings."
She felt safe saying that to you. I'm not saying she's 'there' yet, but what you worked on, without maybe knowing, is TRUST and COMMUNICATION. Big 'ole ingredients for intimacy (not having trust and communication to establish intimacy is like not having flour and butter for your cookie batter... how is that supposed to work? You get something, but you DON'T get cookies).
This is a big revelation. If you have it in you to adjust to morning sex and you can meet that need of hers, or at least try it.... and she can then feel good about giving you something you need... this will fuel her desire.
I don't want to get too optimistic here, for you still have the 'kids in the bed' hurdle to contend with... but it could be a start.
Remember, empathy and tolerance = patience. If you can be empathetic to her morning preference and tolerant of the kids in the bed, your patience with her will pay off.
At least, this is what we are hoping for...
Anyway... congrats to you, at least in my opinion.
