I think this one needs a line by line reply. A lot of it is very close to home.
Quote: She sounds really immature in her approach to sex. Almost as if she thinks it's all a big joke. I can somewhat see how she would think that..it seems that every other sitcom out there is making one inane joke about sex after another, but come on!
Quite accurate. I think her psycho-sexual development stopped at the adolescent level. More on that later.
Quote: Have you ever just outright asked her what her intent is when she does that? Not in an antagonistic way but just "You know, W, I'm not sure what you mean by that..are you initiating sex?"
I haven’t done it exactly like that, but I have tried to find out exactly what her intentions are. As you know, there are very rigid rules, not only about actions, but also about words. The only acceptable way to refer to sex is “fooling around”, except for the occasional Mel Brooks imitation where I move my hand back and forth with my index finger extended and intone, “Hump or death” (from History of the World: Part I). Sadly, she always chooses death.
But back to the subject at hand. I’ve asked her very specifically if she means that she wants to fool around, if that means we can fool around later, or whatever time frame seems most appropriate to the individual sitch. But as you said, she invariably makes a joke of it. The best I’ve ever gotten from her was another suggestive, “You never know…” It’s more like she’s acting in way that she’s somehow expected to act than any real expression of something within her. You know, couples are supposed to want to get rid of the kids for a little adult play time, so she acts the part. The problem is that she really doesn’t have any interest in the play time, she’s just acting the part.
Quote: I find that a lot of LD people are loathe to own their own sexual feelings and prefer instead to shove it all off on their partner...Oh OKAY, I will give in to you but ONLY because you want it so much.
I’ve also addressed the part about her not owning her sexuality before. You already know that W finds sex distasteful. You remember the “gross” comment about the couple in the car and the light bulb coming on for me, right? With her allegations of abuse, her hatred of men, her reactions to sex, and her behavior during sex, I’ve come to believe that there really is a passionate, sensuous W in there. But something in her past, be it specific incidents or just general atmosphere, something has caused her to bury that sexuality and is making her keep it locked down tight. While there is very little outward sign of it, I still believe that there is a passionate woman in there if I can just figure out how to spring her from the cage W keeps her in.
Quote: And this happens coincidentally around their period every single month or whatever!
Yep, quite coincidentally! Before the hysterectomy, that was exactly it. Her once a month interest was right after her P. Every time. I know she didn’t like the P, but I kind of looked forward to it; it meant that my monthly HJ wasn’t far away.
Quote: Hang in there, I am feeling a new empathy and kindness towards you since you are my H's long lost twin.
And last of all, it is pretty scary. Except for the HD/LD thing, your H and I do sound very much alike.
