There is always an element of parenting that goes on in marriages. HD's W seems caught in that. She is either the (over) responsible mom/lawyer type or the scared little girl. It's harder to keep an identity of sexual/intimate spouse; like JJ has said, this requires a degree of trust and safety and a willingness to put yourself out there.
HD, your post shows what is underneath your W's exterior, her vulnerability. Somehow her work will be to separate out the marriage hurts from the hurts of the past and "see" you not as a child or parent but as the loving and devoted spouse you are, who is also human and makes mistakes. She doesn't see right now that in being emotionally and physically close with you she will be healing the past.
All this is well and good, but what do you do now? If you push her, you risk being seen as the bad father who is always disapproving. If you don't do anything, you both remain stagnant and no development occurs. I have no idea what you should do, but I have been mulling over Honey's concept of compassionate PM ( PM with a heart)and I like that. One thing that is positive...she seems to be making physical gestures...a small start.
