New year update. First things first. No, I didn't ML during my vacation. Spent the first 3 days staying at my W's grandparent's house, so I didn't expect anything anyway. We got along fine, had a nice time with her family. Then drove to our secluded cabin on a frozen lake in the Northwoods of Wisconsin. Yes, we had our DD3 with us, but I have to say it had lots of romantic potential. A roaring fire, comfy bed, no need to be anywhere specific.
Every time I would do the least bit of "initiating," it would be firmly rebuffed. And when I say, "initiating," I'm talking about placing a hand on a hip or a shoulder while in bed. That's it. I consciously did not "push it" beyond that, because I seem to be stuck in my "no pressure" zone.
That "no pressure" zone, combined with the lack of intimate encounters with my W over the past few years, has led to some basic anxiety in me that makes me retreat to the safe place I'm in when I roll over and just go to sleep. I know that it would be fruitless to push her further. In the morning, I found that it was a relief when our daughter would call out "Mommy!" over the baby monitor, and our alone time would end.
The title of this post refers to the following event, which occurred on December 31. We were having a very nice dinner at a restaurant, at about 6:30pm. She said that after DD3 went to bed, she'd like to stay up late, maybe play Scrabble, and then, "maybe something else." This last reference was, I'm pretty sure, a suggestion about sex, as it was coupled with a demure eyebrow-raise. I say that I was "pretty sure," because, well, I'm just not used to her saying anything the least bit suggestive.
During the 25 minute drive home, she even put her hand on my upper thigh, which she hasn't done in months, (and which had an immediate reaction in me, which she probably did not notice, as it was dark.)
We got back to the cabin and I took the dogs out for a short walk (yes, we took two dogs with us), and came back inside. She was in her flannel night gown, and said that she was SOOO tired.
She went to bed at 8:45pm. Me and DD3 stayed up until about 10, then I put her to bed. I went up to bed about 10:15 to a snoring wife.
The next morning, she laughingly apologized to me for being a party pooper.
On the drive home yesterday, she talked about wanting to move up there in the next 10 years or so. So why didn't I just say, "W, I mentioned about a month ago that I was not willing to stay in a sexless marriage forever. Have you given that any thought?"? Why? I guess I just wussed out. It was a clear opening, a logical continuation, a perfect opportunity to discuss this.
I'm almost afraid to mention this, but I blame it on part on my dependence on this Board, and my absence from it. Yes, I am an SSM Board addict.
Anyway, I haven't given up...just need to bring it up on my own terms, at my own time.
