I tend to agree with you on what thiose 3 things that men need. And I KNOW that these 3 things are curretly happening in H's life. But, eventually the adventure of the affair, the battle (of her drama of divorce and her H) ,the beauty to rescue may just be someone who is needy and needs constant reassurance, WILL wear on my H.I know now that at least one of his LL is words of affirmation-this OW was telling him what a good person he was, (crap, what did he tell her about us that she needed to say that?) I know I did do this LL with him, buit maybe it was not the words he wanted to hear? No realtionship can have these 3 ingreedients on a long term basis, its too draining!! I know my H,or at least I thought I did. The last time he did this 12 years ago, the woman was really needy, money ,and attention wise. He used to tell me his problems and ask what I thought about it. They lasted a year. But this time he is keeping fairly quiet. In the beginning when he was still here, I would ask questions about her and he would tell me stuff. Now, I don't ask but every once in a while I get some glimpse into their sitch. It does sound like he is committed to her but sometimes I can tell he feels its a little more than he bargained for. During one covo he told me of her H banging down the door, she calls police, my H has to go comfort her. I say "sorry you are having this problem".He says "well, its not really my problem, but now its become my problem". He may never come back to me, but I do think without major effort on BOTH of their parts in their sitch, they are not likely to have anything long term, and if they do, it'll always be fraught with tension and uncertainty. I know I have to GAL, and soon. This is killing me. Really. I get little to no sleep, I lost 30lbs (looks good, but hate this diet plan!),and I cannot focus on anything. Friends and family are tolerant but I know they all wish this was over. They are mad at me for not persuing taking half of the assets. Like,,the confusion of two weeks of no contact, then he'll call and say he wants to take me for a bike ride, then he always cancels-by text message. He'll tell me in one breath that he can't be with me/trust me cause I had A, (21 yrs ago-for 2 1/2 months) , and cause I did not admit it till last year- yet his affair 7 years after that lasted a year, now he's involved in this A .It took him a whole year and a half to leave me. During that time we bought a home, two motorcycles, and in betwen periods of hell, discussing MY A, managed to have some good times. I know now that he was using the past as a cover to do what he is doing now. I sure hope he knows what he's doin... Look I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But, I know I am better for him than her. Our R could be excellent if he could give us the same attention he lavishes on her. There is help ot there-I found it ,and I am certain that if given the chance, we would make it. Its hard to be excited about a new discovery, nd not be able to share it. I am like, Hey I found out all this neat stuff, and we are BOTh lacking in some areas,but its OK, I know how to help us!!! Frustrating. I/ He will just have to let this play out. I want my H to be happy, always hoped it was with me, but he seems to need this .
