I know they are his family, and one of my new years resolutions is to have a realtionship with them NOT based on talking about my H. I know my MIL and SIL love me, but i recognize that he is their blood. SIL does think he is a jerk for doing all of this, given his past and present.
And I do try to have this be a safe place, and thats why I think he does come nosing around and is curious about my whereabouts. About expectations, I have been told to have none, but I do anyway. I did expect him to come home. I cut out talking R talk as soon as I found out about DB-ing as best I could. He has decided to stay away from me as much as possible and I often wonder if it is because there is still feelings there and he can only deal with one sitch at a time I never mention OW, but she always has to make her self known by calling him when he is here, on his cell.
And my H is the major grudge holder of this marriage. I am always willing to forgive and try to forget. I do not want the kind of relationship we had before, and I have done lots of reading, found out what my part was in this and know I will not ever go back to old behavior again, with or without him.

My H does have some issues he needs to work through as well.
I do believe he loves me still somewhere in there. But this needy OW and her drama are a huge pull for him right now.