S--well, I guess you've got some pretty good points there. I am sorry about that. I hope you will keep trying to put this stuff out of your mind though. But I know I went through all those feelings when my H was with OW. I hated the thought that she was getting what I used to get. Although now I know she didn't. They had a PA but the EA was never going to happen. Your H seems to have jumped into alot of new things--kids, OW going through a nasty divorce. This is going to be overwhelming if he hasn't done it before. Those aren't his kids and they will make sure he never forgets that. And at some point she probably will too. My H doesn't have kids and he has had a heck of a time with mine. He doesn't know how to communicate with kids at all and so avoids them if he can. He thinks they are great as long as they are behaving and doing what he thinks they should do, but if they started challenging me he started getting angry and freaking out about it. Then I usually took the kids side and tried to protect them and that made him even angrier. Part of the reason we are apart is that he couldn't take my caving into them after I made agreements with him about discipline. I couldn't believe he started an A with someone who had a 10 year old and a 2 year old. My D21 is out of the house and my S16 won't be around too much longer. I kept reminding him that he would be starting all over with little kids and he didn't like kids that much. Of course, when he was with her, her kids were home with a sitter or with their grandparents so he never had to deal with them. I read Snodderly a lot (I know you do too) and she seems to have lots of good MLC advice. And she does remind us that MLC can take years (Ugh!). So I guess we just have to decide if we want to wait. But we have to be doing something in the meantime, right?! I guess I still have hope for you cuz he hasn't asked for the papers yet, no matter what his family says. I just can't believe he is happy--I just don't think it works that way. My first H wasn't happy with his OW. I think he only married her because I moved on. I am thinking positive thoughts for you, S. I don't know you either but I sure consider you a friend traveling down the same bumpy road as me. Thank goodness we have friends here to support us and understand what we are going through. And with all the work we are doing on ourselves our next relationship is going to be the best, whether it is with our current Hs or not!
