Trust but verify... Good advise, but can be tricky to accomplish. I don't think Mellanie or any of us would say only believe what you can prove. But rather, snooping and spying will only bring you down and distract you from your focus.
Just don't believe everthing he tells you.
Trust your gut. Trust your inner voice. Trust God or whatever higher power you might believe in.
I think maybe I would say, trust in God, look for answers when you don't understand something or feel like something just doesn't "fit".
People lie for one of only a very few reasons,the most common: They are more afraid of the consequences of the truth.
They are MORE afraid of the consequences of the truth.
In other words, they lie because they fear the truth will be worse. You need to make sure that it is good, okay, safe and better for your H to tell you the truth.
For a spouse to admit what he has done, or is feeling, it is just as important for your reaction to be one that does not punish him for telling the truth. Now this may mean you have to earn an Academy Award for acting, but when he does tell you something that you asked about and the answer is devatating......You must remember that if you want him to continue to tell the truth, you musn't punish him or making him wish he hadn't told you!!! Or he will not continue to tell you the truth.
Telling something difficult to your spouse requires a level of trust. Be glad he is willing to trust enough that he will tell you.
There will come a time when you can let YOUR feelings about what he has told you known, but for the moment let him tell you what he can and accept that you can handle whatever he tells you. This is a gift you give to yourself as well as to him.
It takes your relationship to a level that says I will not retalliate against you for what you have told me, I will listen and weigh what you have said and then give you a response that reflects my thought on the matter.
I wlll not tell you this is easy to do....in fact it may seem an impossiblity.......but you must if you ever want to grow in the relationship to a point where you can BOTH tell unpleasant or uncomfortable things to each other and know you will somehow come through together,
but when he does tell you something that you asked about and the answer is devatating......You must remember that if you want him to continue to tell the truth, you musn't punish him or making him wish he hadn't told you!!! Or he will not continue to tell you the truth.
