Thank you for your replies which I'll comment on first ------------------------------------------------------ Ask your W to name 3 things that might cause her anxiety if you had sex once a week. Do not accept any non concrete answers like I do not feel like doing it" Good answers that you could do something about are what you need. ----------------------------------------------------------- In concept such simple questions are wonderful. Unfortunately, if the only statements that can be retrieved before her shift into pissed mode are like "I just don't need it" or "I only want to cuddle" sometimes even the occasional "If you need it that much go get it from someone else, just don't come back". I have learned to prod no further to avoid getting my feelings bashed in further or have "pissed mode" held for days.
---------------------------------------------------------- Tell her it's not a ploy to get her to ML; it's an attempt to save a failing marriage. ---------------------------------------------------------- I did say that very thing. I know her well enough to say it is a ploy of her own to avoid blame when she doesn't change. She can quote herself on her view of the book when she decides not to finish reading it.
Now to state I had a great day. Too bad it was unhealthy for my R. A MLF from work (talk every day M-F, close F 3y+) woke us first thing this morning. She needed some emergency repairs at her house( she is one of 10 or so I do stuff for). I got up and SSS, then offered to have W come along at LF's request(all 3 of us knew she would'nt) and left. I made the repairs and then enjoyed some air hockey with her her kids, and her friend.(yes LF is high potential for EA/PA, W knows it, hates it, resents it but still remains the same. Wow!) and I knew when I got home that the W would have retreated to our room for quiet time while I was gone. We of course had the "you know it hurts me when you ignore housework to do other peoples stuff, especially hers" which I then was obliged to the "it's OK for you to slave me out to your friends but not for mine". I then of course asked if she had read anymore to which she gave the expected "I'm not going to bother since the M won't work anyway". These exchanges used to push her right to POM but now they are like "please pass the salt" I wonder I she gets the same wierd satisfaction of being able to say to yourself you knew it would happen. Even if. you were the catalyst.
Well I am going to continue reading and research on R but after having the same verbal meals day/day mo/mo ect... I think its WAH time again. It got us to MC last time about 7y ago(most boring 3m of my life). The last series of MC did not end well so I think I will suggest separate C to start. I know I will have to file for separation to push this to fruition on a reasonable timetable.
The only person I worry about is D10. D14 was crushed when I did this the last time although nothing was filed then. D10 is well aware of Mom/Dad problems and her and I have discussed them again this year. It amazes you when a young person says "well at least you two won't be able to fight that way". I hope my feelings for the R can survive the experience this time. I wonder if I'm saying this just to get my foot out the door with no intention of return, I know its a tempting option, expensive but tempting.
