Hi! I wanted to post another update even though H hasn't seen the endrocrinologist yet.

TSSM arrived a couple of days ago and I read it that evening. It's a pretty quick read, especially after having read so much more info here. I did skip some parts about the physical problems confronting women, mainly, since that didn't apply, but I may read that later just for future reference.

One thing which did stand out to me though was regarding the honesty of my H's statement about always being low desire. Mandksdad had brought this up, and I was a little surprised as I hadn't doubted H's assertion but I did pause for thought at this:

> Well what about those two-a-days 16 years ago? I don't
> believe for a minute he was just performing to keep you
> happy.

This is directly addressed in TSSM. For some LD people, the excitement of a new (like, first year) relationship can be just the trigger their libidos need to make them want sex more often. Their romantic and sexual lives are at the forefront of their minds and they just feel more sexual. This leads to the old "bait and switch" argument when the novelty/honeymoon phase comes to a close and their true libido level kicks in. It sure describes our experience to a 't'.

So I guess I'm sticking up for H a little here - I did believe him, and I'm glad I did. YMMV as always, all circumstances are different.

Anyway, I am one happy girl this morning! Something Michele said in her book made me think of a food analogy. She mentioned that some people don't experience the desire -> arousal chain in the same way. I thought about this and remembered all of the times H has said "you know, I wasn't hungry until you said something about dinner". So last night after we ate I massaged his shoulders and whispered in his ear "Ya know how sometimes you say that just thinking about food makes you hungry? How about we meet in the bedroom later and talk about some gourmet cookin'." And then giggled, I couldn't help it.

He grinned! I left him alone (well, you know what I mean, didn't press the point) and he went off to do some work on an application he's writing for his cell phone. (Fun, fun stuff. <yawn>)

So I go into the bedroom to read a book about Norma Shearer and only about 20 minutes goes by before he comes in and shuts the bedroom door behind him with a kind of silly look on his face.

Woo hoo! And that's all the detail I shall give.

Oh yeah, about the endrocrinologist. I called our insurance company to ask for advice on what sort of specialist to see. The nurse there recommended the endrocrinologist as there are no erectile dysfunction issues for us to address in this particular case; if there had been, she said she would have recommended going to a urologist first. She asked me H's symptoms (low libido, weight gain in breast area, depression and irritability being the ones that concern me the most) and agreed that his testosterone levels needed to be checked. She gave me three endrocrinologist referrals and I gave the list to H and he called yesterday to set up an appointment.

Why did I do the research even up to calling the insurance company for advice? Well, it's still tough for him and I can understand that. I have to give him credit for not procrastinating now that he knows it's time to step up to the plate, though.

We're still in the beginning but I think the knots are loosening and I really do feel confident that one day we'll get them untied.

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and support, it has really helped me (and my H) through a lot of confusion and upset.

Now I will shut up until the tests come back!

No, wait - one last thing. I was FURIOUS when I was reading an article on some "trusted medical information source" website that said low libido in men "rarely occurs" and almost never has a physical cause but is a sign of "latent gayness"! Argh! The Web can be a great research tool but it does have its share of bozos.


Leigh