Cemar:
I don't think your list is unreasonable at all.

I do think it is quite a jump for her to make all at once, so you will HAVE to accept that this (fixing an SSM) is a process and not something that your spouse just DOES. If she did, you wouldn't believe it anyway.

Look at it this way:
What if your wife had come to you 5 years ago and said, "I want you to be able to bench press 300 lbs or I will not be able to continue in this R. My love is fading fast so do something quickly!"
You would have said to her, Honey I love you with all my heart but I can only bench press 150 lbs. It will take time for me to build up to 300...give me six months to a year and let me pursue it at my own pace.

And she came back at you and said, No! I want you to do it next week; if you love me you will.

Blah blah.

Look I won't win any awards for the board's best analogist, but I am trying to think like a man here and I'm not that hot at it, LOL, but there has to be something that will click with you.

This is a process and she will need time to work from point A to point B. During that time, you will feel alternately icked out, disgusted, sad, lonely, hopeful, elated, hopeless, dejected, excited and of course horny. That's all part of it.

You are scared to start this process because it involves you taking her to task and talking in specific terms about your sex life, or lack thereof. You do not want to hurt her and go down that road. You must, if you expect change. YOU are holding the process back because you are not forcing the change. You do not force it because you take the easier path of defeatism and have decided that it is hopeless anyway. It is definitely the easier path, but you already know the destination--the same damn place you are at now.

Why not pick a few things off your list and tell her that you want her to start doing them? Hold hands and give kisses don't seem all that difficult to me. Start small and build from there.

HP

P.S. Sorry to all the fellas on the board who will now pick apart my weightlifting analogy and tell me that 300 lbs is nothing and not that heavy, etc etc.