That's interesting...I wonder if your demeanor sends her a mixed message. Just out of curiosity is it possible that you're walking a double-edged sword here? See what I'm thinking is that if someone used a "Mr. Rogers" type facial expression with me....I might feel patronized.
I think it's really important for you to be very honest and upfront with her in a way that is true to you. If that means having a serious face, then do it...this is an important issue for you.
Also, my H used to try to put words in my mouth to...saying things like "I never said that"...when I was telling him how something makes me "feel"...so I would tell him..."I didn't say you "said" that, I said this is how what you said/did makes me feel". I've had to reinforce that a few times, but now he doesn't do that to me. Our initial C told me during one of my one-on-one sessions with her that his doing that was a control tool for him.
When your wife says something like that to you, you may say back to her something like this. "No, I'm not trying to control how you think...but if you can try to see my point of view, or find something from your past experiences to relate to this situation maybe you can understand how I'm feeling. It doesn't mean you have to agree with my POV." This is the current tool I use with my H and it's working for us right now.
