Quote: how do LDW ever become lovers? I just can't see how they can.
CeMar,
There are women on here who were LD (myself included) we've tried to clue you in on what it took for us to become women who want sex...now that may never make us your version of an HDW, but I can tell you for a fact this. I used to be a woman who dreaded sex with my H (previous H), I didn't want it, I didn't like it, he turned me off!!! And you know what...his pestering it for me just made me view him as a real pain in the butt and that was a huge turn off too.
I became a woman who now likes & enjoys sex because I wanted to, I did it for myself. I could never have done that without a very patient partner though. Someone who respected me and encouraged me in a quiet/gentle way...not demanding.
Here I go...being really blunt again. I know you use this BB to vent quite a bit (heck we all do that) but bear with me here. You lack patience and you've got a VERY NEGATIVE attitude towards your W. Making statements such as ... "how do LDW ever become lovers? I just can't see how they can." is very negative. Do I blame you for having negativity, heck no...I know how frustrating it is, but you've got to get that negativity under control.
IMHO...from reading your posts (and I've read many, although I've not always responded) you're M is in a tailspin...and you know what? You aren't helping to pull it out of that tailspin. You're still waiting for her to do it all...and that my friend, ain't how it works...not if you want to succeed.
Now I'm not saying she doesn't need to step up and understand that there's a problem and help you fix it. But what I am saying is...she's not likely to take you seriously and see there's a real problem until you do the following (I sure wouldn't):
1. Stop saying "can't/won't" regarding her 2. Ditch the pain in the ass negativity (it's a self-fullfilling prophecy) 3. Take a really good look at how you interact with her. 4. COMMUNICATE (clearly/concisely/no B.S.)...and keep communicating kindly, but say what you need to.
I'm going to repeat something to you that I've said before. And I'm serious here. You're posts often have a very dismal/disrepectful view of your wife...and sometimes women. This view/attitude (whatever you want to call it) will (& does) translate into real life and your interactions with your W.
I've was once involved with a man who had a very negative attitude...constantly said things about what he wanted (work or relationship) and then would follow up with things like...but they won't or you can't....know what? When those comments of "you won't" or "you can't" were directed at me I felt put down, squashed, held back....disrespected. Negativity will absolutely kill cooperation when it comes to your spouse.
I know this is more than you asked for from that one little post but there it is
