As far as sex being a pricey commodity in my house, it started out as the only one of value. Over time, I discovered that respect is of equal value. It just never occured to me when we M that my W wouldn't respect me enough to try to honor my wishes and meet my needs. Respect became the real issue with both sex and my W's outbursts.

My W comes from a family where they scream at and say pretty terrible things to each other. Afterward, they apologize, say they didn't mean it, and act like nothing happened...until the next time. I come from a background where if you raise your voice, it means you want to fight. I don't want to fight...ever...but if I have to, I will win. So I get blamed for whatever I say (I don't lose my head, only say what I mean, and won't lie about not meaning it) and for not forgiving (acting like it didn't happen).

I'll cut anyone slack as long as attempts are made to alter behavior as needed. But 24 years should be sufficient enough time to get it, DYT?

I'm not sure what part doesn't ring true to you. The fact is that I'm still M and therefore have responsibilities to my W and the M. Those won't change for as long as I'm M, no matter how anyone acts.

I have told her that I'm not interested in sex. She first thought that it would just take time for me to "get over it" like I have sooo many times before. She's starting to understand that something's different this time, partly because I AM being nice to her, I think. She hasn't blown up in a few weeks (3-4). It hasn't been long enough to see if it's a real change or just holiday/family circumstances.

I'll say again, I'm not committed to being ND forever. I'll see what happens as we go. I don't have a deadline on anything or a threat hanging over her head. She did make a comment the other day about when the kids are grown, though. We'll see what that means as we journey on.

I'm not too interested in "doling out consequences". I don't want to be M to my mother or my child. She knows where I stand. It's really up to her to decide what to do about it. She can take me for granted and do nothing or take me serious and make the necessary adjustments. (I don't think showing me respect by curbing her anger is an unreasonable demand.) We'll see what happens.