The video idea is not wacky. You even hear this in alcohol treatment programs for alcoholics who will not admit that their personalities change when they're drunk. But you don't need to go to the expense and trouble of installing video cameras. Just get a little hand-held recorder like the thing doctors use for case notes and keep it in your pocket. The next time she "goes off" take it out discreetly and hit the record button. Gather at least two or three of these scenes before you play them for her, otherwise she'll say this was an exception. Also, when she is ranting, say very little, otherwise she'll focus on whatever you said, and claim you provoked her. Once my father accidentally recorded a rant session like that. During it, I made one tiny comment (I was a kid-- neither of us knew the recorder was on), and when he played it back, he focused totally on my one comment and blew off his angry tirade.

Also I'm so glad y'all brought up the unconditional love bullsh!t. I'm not a parent, but I believe people can have unconditional love for their children. And I believe that is the ONLY place it occurs this side of heaven.

Now, my bf has carried it to an extreme and seems to believe that you have to EARN love. Soemthing else we can thank his mom for, I believe.

I OTOH believe that we need to install in the beginning what I call The Assumption of Good Will, which means that, all things being equal, you assume your partner means you no harm. And go from there.

Strangely (and it was a Red Flag that I didn't realize I was seeing, so I ignored it) within the first couple of weeks of our R, I brought up the Assumption of Good Will to my BF (alas, when he was drunk), and he categorically rejected the idea! That struck me as odd, but I didn't realize I was just seeing the tip of the iceberg. I think he really does assume a woman is his enemy and out to get him until proven otherwise. This just came out in the session we had Monday, two and a half years after we got together!

So a resounding YES! adults do not have unconditional relationships/love-- nor should they!!!