First. Long ago, when the earth's crust was cooling and my wasband and I did some counseling with Steve Harley from Marriage Builders.. my wasband complained that he wanted/needed/deserved unconditional love. Steve said, not realistic. Wasband was horrified, as this was his strategy to make me the "bad" guy.... but Steve explained that love IS ABSOLUTELY conditional. As humans, we fall in love because certain conditions are met-- we are courted by someone who is nice to us, considerate of our wants and needs, makes us laugh, we enjoy being with them, we find them attractive. He asked "if you did not find each other attractive, did not treat each other in a civil way, did not enjoy time together.... would you have fallen in love in the first place? Of course not!
Basically if someone ceases to meet the conditions for us to love them, our love fades. If someone resumes meeting those conditions, then love rebuilds.
It's theory that makes sense to me, so I just thought I'd pipe in.
Now, on your decision to become LD.... I'm not sure you get to pick. I think we are "wired" one way or the other. That said, I recently made a very similar decision-- but rather than LD, I decided I needed to go ND (NO D) for a while. The situation is complex-- but it is a short term strategy. I'm just on sabatical. I don't think I could simply decide no more sex forever. But I have pretty successfully put all that warm, wet, slippery, tingly, wonderful stuff more or less out of my mind for now. Well, maybe not totally out of my mind, but I will not act on any of it except solo. (along with this is a steadfast decision to figure out someway to avoid ever getting involved let alone married to a LD, and I consider this equally important to avoiding ax murderers and random psychopaths)
So while I get what you're saying, I don't buy it as a long term solution. It's not realistic. If you take this approach, you are avoiding the real issue just as much as your W is, by citing random stress. The two of you risk being struck down by lightning, as she cites endless stresses (the kind we all deal with everyday, the kind that seem less stressful after great sex) and you plead your case as a man who does not care about sex (while secretly you want the 25-40 every bit as much as I do).
