Well, if you are doing things that ADD to her stress, then cut it out.
If there are ways that YOU can control the amount of stress that she heaps upon herself, then do it. If the kids are in too many activities, stand up for yourself and call a halt to it.
By consequences I meant PM style, such as "Wife, I need you to try to get control of the outbursts or the result will be that I will fall out of love with you." Then treat her with compassion and love and do your part in minimizing the stress. If she has another one, remind her (while HOY) that your love is not unconditional (who ever came up with that asinine idea anyway) and that you respect yourself too much to put up with crap. Then get out of there and do something that does not include her and allow her to stew in her own misery by herself. That is sorta what I meant by consequences. If you routinely listen to her blow, try to make things better, molly coddle her and treat her with kid gloves while she's blowin, then there is NO motivation for her to do anything different. If you tell her in plain and clear language that this treatment is affecting the way you feel about her, then refuse to participate in it completely while going out and enjoying your life, she will stand up and take notice. You will not be doing "the dance" with her.
Btw, I feel compelled to point out that in no way, shape or form are you an LD male. The very fact that you remembered my Dolly Rack comment leads me to believe that you're alive and well on the inside, just having some resentment issues that are making your desire for your wife go south.
