Quote: Should I let him throw away his whole life just because he's going through this big childish phase?
You aren't "letting" him do this Sally, it's his choice. No matter how you fight against his choice....it's still his to make. And, the more you fight against it...the more appealing it may become to him.
GEL
Oh, you know, I agree...and I have told him...if you don't want to be married to me, you know where the door is, good bye. But I am not going to leave the house or my kids.
He won't go. I will not "let him" push me into giving him what he thinks he deserves, which is the house the kids and me gone. And to be honest, that probably would be great for him for awhile, all my stuff gone, all my issues gone...long run it wouldn't be so great for him though.
I'm not going to disappear just so he can find out what it's like. It's too much of a risk for me, and again, the kids.
I also think he believes that I'm hanging on the marriage because I'm afraid to be alone. I lived alone for several years before we got married, and my parents really weren't there for me in a lot of ways growing up. I am not afraid of being alone. I think I am an incredibly strong person.
Frankly, as hard as it would have been at the time, it probably would have been easier to cave on the divorce and get it over with and get on with my life. It's probably inevitable anyway. But it really is "my way AND the highway" with him. I'm not going to let it happen. The only way to negotiate with him is for ME to bring in lawyers and start negotiating a separation settlement. He will not willingly give me a fair shake. And I know him once I bring lawyers in and start asking for what I deserve, the marriage IS OVER. He will not see anything but the "evil EX" in me ever again.
so here I am. I feel like this is my only option if I want to save what I still believe is a saveable marriage. I think my only real option is to try (and it's very hard) to be the best person I can be and not play his games...it may not work, but I'm doing the only thing I know how to do.
Slowly all the roles we act out become our Identity,
And in the end we are what we pretend to be.
-Jerry Cantrell
