You know, IHJ I agree with you, and I've lived by that in the past. I'm really not ignoring it to make a point...or be mean. I just don't feel like I can muster up anything at all right now. And after being told repeatedly that he doesn't want me in his life (even though his actions say otherwise), maybe I do want him to see that I'm the only one in his whole life that does anything or even thinks of him.

And yes, I know that second statement contradicts the first.

My kids have already made other plans. I only saw H for a few minutes this morning before he left for his b-ball game. I was half asleep, so not mentioning at this point really isn't a major issue.

Every holiday we have or celebrate, he always makes it from the kids to me. He doesn't sign the cards, he doesn't put his name on the tags of the gifts. I know he buys them, I know he puts the thought into them and pays for them...but it's another way of his not acknowledging me.

Even if he were to call me on not doing anything for his b-day, it would be easy for me to say something like "you don't want me around, you don't want me to do anything for you, I just left it up to the kids this time'

Last year, the kids had so much going on the weekend of his b-day, (finals & stuff) they really couldn't go out to dinner. So I offered to take him out, and then we could go out with the kids next weekend. He refused to go with just me. Then he moped around because the kids really didn't want to do anything with him.

It sounds so childish on my part, but I'm giving him what he's been asking for. Maybe the reason I don't feel like doing anything is because I've had so much of what I've done thrown back in my face.

I'll probably cave anyway. I really don't have it in me to do this to him. It just almost seems better to not do anything than to do some half hearted celebration.

Slowly all the roles we act out become our Identity, And in the end we are what we pretend to be. -Jerry Cantrell