GEL, you're right, his behavior isn't changing, much...but for some reason the driving without a license arrest isn't the big pointer to that, at least to me.

It's the fact that he doesn't take responsibility for the mess he's gotten himself into. The reason he didn't get the restricted license is because he didn't show up at a hearing, because he had trouble getting a certified letter. The post office delivered several notices when no one was home, with the option for him to sign to allow them to leave it in the mail box, which he did. When that happened two or three times, I told him he should just go pick it up. He refused, saying they're screwing up (they were, we have mail problems here all the time). BUT DUH! He knew this was important and he needed to take care of it...but, you know, it's not his fault.

So he missed his court date.

And the other thing was the self centered way he selected what he was willing to risk driving for.

Anyway...I wish he'd gotten pulled over that day when *I believe* he went to the club. That would have been perfect. Oh well...

Not to mention he insists he wasn't really drunk when he got arrested the first time...just checking his cell phone and hit a curb. He "only" blew a .1 and the legal limit is .08...blah blah blah. whatever.

As far as my kids, they're old enough to know the score...16 and 13. In fact I doubt they'll really want to go without me. I am not worried about them thinking I'm the bad guy in this. If they were younger, it would be a different story. I actually reminded my 16 yr old D last week that his birthday was coming. I just may wait to see if she says/does anything. I'm still playing by ear. I will decide as I go along. I bought him a gift a couple weeks ago, so I'm not totally unprepared if I decide I want to do something last minute.

I honestly think the best thing for us to do would be to separate for awhile. He has problems, that much he acknowledges. I asked him if he thought getting rid of me would solve them...and he thought about it and didn't say anything. The fact is he knows he's screwed up but doesn't seem willing to do anything about it.

He also acknowledges he has "strong feelings" for me but is not "IN love" with me.

Unfortunately, the only way we can really afford to split would be to make some pretty permanent financial decisions. Plus he thinks he deserves the house because he was the main bread winner for the past few years...he just doesn't get that it doesn't work that way, especially in a community property state. I don't think he realizes how much he has alienated his kids...he thinks I should just move out and leave him the house and kids. There is no logic to his thinking, and no end to his selfishness.

And the funny thing is he was on a business trip for a week and got lonely and depressed. Maybe he missed his strippers..LOL, but it's me he called to talk to.

Well, again, I need to get some stuff done...

Slowly all the roles we act out become our Identity, And in the end we are what we pretend to be. -Jerry Cantrell