The thing I thought of when you mentioned the birthday thing is...what about your kids? I guess I'm thinking that he might use that as an opportunity to point out to your kids how uncaring you are....you know take the opportunity to make you the bad guy.
What "I" might do is tell him after the fact...after you've gone to dinner that you waffled about it and really didn't want to do anything for his birthday but you did it anyway.
As far as the driving without his license goes and getting arrested....I know I don't need to say this to you, but his behavior ISN'T changing, and that's too bad.
Make you plan and follow-through with it, that may be the only way he pulls his head out of his butt!
