I just reread some of your responses and while I"m not going to respond directly today, you've all made some good points and I need to formulate a plan.
I have an immediate dilemna. First, let me say, stuff has happened around here, but nothing has really changed...I could go into more detail, but real quick like...he's been driving without a license for approximately two months due to the DWI and he did not follow up on one of the "actions" he could have taken to get a restricted license to get back and forth to work.
Frankly, IMO he has used this as an excuse to NOT do stuff he didn't want to do, like run to the grocery store, but with stuff he does want to do, like go to his baseball games, he hasn't had any problems driving.
Well, 2 weeks ago, he got arrested for driving w/o a license, on the way to one of his games. So I get a call at 11 PM another sleepless night dealing with his problems, yada yada.
He was eligible to get his license renewed a week later, and now has his license reinstated. Almost funny how he drove all that time w/o a license, and got arrested right before the renewal.
The week after his arrest, before his license, he actually called into work 3 out of 5 days, to avoid getting pulled over (he got pulled over in a routine roadblock type thing this last time).
He "invited" me to go to his baseball game. He would have missed the game if I hadn't taken him, because he was not going to risk driving. And I did do it, but I dropped him off and picked him up and didn't stay at the game. It sounds "doormat"like, but it made my point...you know..or maybe you don't. But it was the right way to handle it. He wants me to be a b*****, he wants me to yell at him about this, and I refuse. He knows how I feel, I don't have to say it.
So anyway, I also confronted him about going to "the club" said if he was going to do that, he needs to move out. He denied it, and I do NOT have proof that he's going. but I feel strongly that he's gone maybe once a month for the last 3 months. He told me that this whole experience has taught him a lot, that he feels things happen for a reason...he said a lot of things, but he never said he wasn't going again.
Anyway, Sunday is his birthday. I am sick of "being there" for him now. Though all the problems and stuff we've been dealing with, he's always made sure our "holidays" still happened. But right now I could just not care less. I want to "accidentally on purpose" forget his birthday. What I want to do if it comes up, is tell him that if he wants to go out to dinner with the kids, I'll give him money and they can go without me. Otherwise, I don't want to do anything for him.
I am tired of being there when he needs me and being pushed aside when he doesn't.
Then again, my plan through all of this was to "act as if" everything was OK...not let him push me into being the bad guy. I want him to look back down the road, no matter what happens, and see me as being the "adult" in this relationship.
I don't know if I'm venting or just asking advice about the birthday thing....still, on the surface, things are fine around here. But the birthday thing is a big dilemma for me. I think if I do anything, I'll just resent it and be angry.
I dunno...I've got to take my kid to drum lessons, so I guess I'll spare you any further rants...ya'all have a good weekend.
Slowly all the roles we act out become our Identity,
And in the end we are what we pretend to be.
-Jerry Cantrell
