Sally, My advice would be to not even attempt to try and get him to see what he's doing to himself--you know that's not going to work. If he's not listening to himself (his own conscience) he sure aint gonna listen to you.
Instead, I would focus on yourself and your own boundaries. What you will and will not tolerate. Then leave him alone and let him make his choices. You seem to be living in fear that he will leave. If he has spent 30K on foolish stuff, then I would say that he's already gone--he's just there in body. Make a kind but firm boundary and speak to him in a calm and detached voice. Confrontation does not necessarily mean a screaming match; it just means tackling the big white elephant in the room with you.
