well...

Last night we had a convo. I got the usual answers, I don't love you anymore, there's no reason to work on the marriage...

So, I pretty much give up. It's a sad situation, really. I wouldn't have stuck it out this long if I didn't honestly believe that he loves me, and has other issues that he needs to work out before he can see it. I still feel that way. It sounds patronizing, but I know that he really does love me, and just doesn't know it.

He asked me what I want from the marriage and I tell him all I want is to be part of his life, and to spend some time with him.

The strippers didn't even come up, they didn't need to. At this point I don't think he's been sucked into that world again,(yet) but the fact that he's going is a symptom of his lack of respect for me.

Funny thing, he kept asking me if I thought he was happy, and I kept telling him he needs to answer that. I think he has some idea that I need to be able to read his mind? I can't figure that one out. I started to tell him he seems to be feeling better, and then decided that somehow he's trying to trap me, and decided to not play guessing games with him. I think he believes that if I don't know how he's feeling, we must not be in tune...or something. We've been through that before.

We don't do anything together outside of the house. I don't get to be anything to him but his nagging wife.

If he refuses to work on his problems, I can't solve them. I think I was willing to give him time, but I don't know how much more of my life I can waste waiting.

I think GEL & OG Lou's messages just reminded me that there is no point in trying to get him to work on the marriage, when he refuses to admit he wants to try.

But we have still gone such a long way in a year...


Anyway NOPkins, I think you're right. I pretty much made the same decisions, got up in the middle of the night, read your message, and agreed with every word of it. I don't need the book though...seriously I can handle this part of it. I needed the DBing books because what they tell me to do is the exact opposite of the tough love approach that comes naturally to me. I don't know if I need to read any more books right now. I need to get on with my life, without him.

Slowly all the roles we act out become our Identity, And in the end we are what we pretend to be. -Jerry Cantrell