I guess I opted to wait and see what develops. I don't have the proof from the bank transactions, it was just a withdrawal from a cash machine that is nearish to the club. They must have a machine inside because sometimes his withdrawals showed that address...
So, still I think the bath proves it...in my mind. I also wonder if other times I've given seen withdrawals at that machine that he's gone there.
If it's true, he's not spending much money anymore. And I doubt he's drinking. Still I don't need to tell anyone here that this is cause for concern, to put it lightly.
Again, I should say he has never told me that he wouldn't go there. I can't call him on breaking a promise. But I have told him that if he continues to go there, we will not stay married. This was before the DWI.
So I on't know what to do...before all this started I probably could have lived with him going there occasionally. And he doesn't seem to be spending much money, or hanging out with the girls.
But looking at his cash withdrawals over the last month or so, yeah , there's a good chance he's gone just about every pay day.
I need to make decisions.
I could just ask him how often he's going, and see what reaction I get. I could wait and see if I can really bust him next time so he can't lie his way out of it. He hasn't really lied, just hidden. To me, there's no difference.
Over the weekend, before getting a good look at the bank account, I was thinking of making some not so cryptic remark about hiding and lying and how there's no real difference, or something like "just because I don't know you're doing something wrong, doesn't make it ok"
I guess I'm rambling but I don't know what to do. If other things are going OK...do I wait and see if this gets out of hand again, or let it slide, work on the marriage, and hope it works itself out (which is basicly what DBing advises to do with some of the MLC issues).
In a lot of ways, my marriage is better than it has been in years. Maybe I should just keep what I'm doing and see if it progresses, or even keeps happening. In fact, soon my kids will be home with him on Fridays, so he won't be able to sneak out during the day.
I just doubt this will just go away.
Slowly all the roles we act out become our Identity,
And in the end we are what we pretend to be.
-Jerry Cantrell
