-------- I would really like to not let him see me break... ----------- It might do some good for your H to see you in pain because of the actions he took. That does not say you have to beat him over the head and point your finger at him saying what a bad boy he was. No, you can say you are worried about how all of this will work out. That way he knows what effects him also effects you.
OG Lou
Thanks for your support
I guess what I was saying about him not letting him see me break is that he already does. In fact the last time we seriously discussed him moving out, it was because he couldn't stand to see me in so much pain all the time.
He knows what he does hurts me. What I'm trying to quit doing is getting teary and emotional abut stuff that is pretty innocent, that just "hits a nerve" for me. This probably happens at least once a week...or I should say he catches me about once a week. Most of it is harmless stuff that we've joked about for years. An example would be:, he's always kidded around about being allergic to me. It's funny because lots of times when we get close, he started sneezing. We've ruled out any cosmetics or other products I use...even if I use the same stuff he uses, it happens. I kid back that he just sneezes when he's horny, so that anytime he's near me, he sneezes.
Well the other day we were in the same room, he sneezed and joked about it, and out of the blue, I got upset. Don't know where it came from. I don't want him to have to worry about every tiny little thing he says to me breaking me down...it sort of defeats the purpose of one of my goals:
I want to get him to open up and talk to me more. Which I guess somehow needs to be something more like: I want him to realize that I'm available for him to talk to me?
Something like that...I woke up this morning with the beginnings of the flu, so I'm going to bed...
you all take care, and thanks for "listening"
Slowly all the roles we act out become our Identity,
And in the end we are what we pretend to be.
-Jerry Cantrell
