I am late getting back to you this time. So it is my turn to be sorry :-)
On the affair front, as long as there is a third person in the relationship, healing will be slim to nonexistent. I know that you know that. As for what you can do? Monitor until you have proof and it is time to expose.
I am very glad that you are being cautious with the money. It is very easy to want to placate or even 'bribe' the wandering spouse, but it would be a huge mistake. For what it is worth, I think you are taking the right tact with your situation.
Quote: ------------------- One day a couple of weeks ago he said something like "there's a big difference between being in love and being infatuated with someone". He didn't really elaborate, but I know he was talking about some of his little girlies. He wasn't necesarily saying he was in love with me...he did say a little later in the conversation that it would be easier to be infatuated with me if I'd lose some weight. Sounds like a crappy thing to say and well, yeah, it is...but it sort of fit into the context of the convo we were having about working out. I'm afraid he thinks that if I lose a few pounds (I only really need to lose *maybe* 10lbs or so, I'm not obese or anything) that he'll be more turned on by me and every thing will be peachy keen. We're still having pretty regular sex but I could go for a little more quality and quantity. -------------------
This could be a good opening to send him to a website that deals with brain chemistry and infatuation vs. love as a choice. I am constantly surprised at the number of people that don't have a basic understanding of this phenomenon. I always thought that anyone that has ever had a drink or done drugs would understand. It sounds like he is at least open to the fact.
If you need to lose weight for you, then do so. As for his comments, he is just trying to blame you for his desire to look at strippers. It also makes me wonder how many strippers he has seen in settings other than a club. Maybe he needs to see just how 'real' they look, and how much they resemble any other woman. All that glitters is not gold :-)
Quote: --------------- Any tips on breaking through? I know he's trying to be strong but I wish I could get him to confide in me a little... ---------------
The only thing I can recommend is to continue what you are doing. Loving him from a position of strength, fixing the bad contributions you have made to the marriage, and keeping up a loving, but emotional distance.
Let him know that if he wants to talk, you will listen. Do understand that listening does NOT mean to acquiesce or agree to his world view (which is pretty skewed right now), it just means that you are acknowledging how he feels.
He needs to learn to acknowledge your strength instead of always trying to be 'the strong one'. Always being strong, is an impossible to live up to standard.
No one can always be strong. Marriages are about working together. A marriage should provide for mutual goals, reinforcing each others weak points, and providing balance to overly strong positions.
Please keep us posted on your situation.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
